Triple Chocolate Brownie Cookies

triple chocolate brownie cookies recipe

This post is going to be some real talk. If you just want the recipe for these Triple Chocolate Brownie Cookies, feel free to grab it from the Dixie Crystals website and I’ll see you next time. I promise, it will not hurt my feelings. But if you are feeling a little “less than” these days, stick around. I have something that I need to get off my chest.

I spent the last weekend at a retreat with 10 beautiful, talented, funny, creative, thoughtful, amazing women. We laughed, cried, hugged, ate, and laughed some more. We talked about everything. Our bodies, kids, spouses, food, sex, money, work, life’s challenges – pretty much everything was on the table. It made me realize how having deep and meaningful friendships with women is something that is seriously missing from my life. There is a place in my heart that really needs the connection that I had this weekend. I miss having girlfriends. I have been pretty open and honest about the struggles I have with my weight, and I think that this is the missing piece to really being free of my emotional eating issues.

I have girlfriends, and amazing ones at that. Friends that have seen me through thick and thin. Gotten me out of bed when I felt like I couldn’t do it. And celebrated alongside me. Sister friends. So what’s the problem you ask? They don’t live close to me. I need someone to come over when I am about to lose my mind on snow day #5. Or to sit on the couch with and have a Sons of Anarchy marathon. Someone that can pick up my kids from school when I have a doctors appointment. A support system. You know, like Meredith and Cristina, a “person”.

Moving as much as we do, it is getting really hard to make new friends. We come with expiration dates (we know when we are moving when we get someplace), and if we move to a community where the people are rooted and without a lot of military, they sort of figure – “Why bother making friends with her? She is just going to leave in 2 years, what’s the point?” I get it, I really do. But those girls, the ones like me, we need friends too.

triple chocolate brownie cookies recipe

So, here is the question that I pose to you… how does an almost 38-year-old woman go about making some new friends? Here is what I am thinking:

1. Put yourself out there. My husband once gave me some sage advice. “Bree, people are not going to knock on the door and ask you to be their friend. You need to leave the house and make an effort.” That was his nice way of saying, get your ass off the couch and put on something other than yoga pants and join the living. Point taken. (See sister friend from above. The best friend a girl could ever ask for.)

2. Get involved. Join some clubs. Take come classes. Hang out at the dog park. Chat up the mom next to you at the dentist’s office. Chances are you will already have something in common and have something to talk about. Feel her out, maybe she wants to grab a coffee. Don’t float it out there either. None of the “Hey, want to grab coffee sometime?” No way, it will never happen. Instead try, “Would you like to grab coffee next Wednesday?”

3. It only takes one or maybe two. So let’s say you are at a playgroup and there are 8 moms there. You might not click with all of them, but there might be one that you really like and have a lot in common with. One friend is a great place to start. And if she is awesome like you are, then she might have some other awesome friends and before you know it, you have a NETWORK of awesome friends. I can vouch for this. It has happened to me a few times. Awesome people beget awesome people.

4. If you see a girl in a room that looks like you – kind of shy, feeling out of place, looking a little uncomfortable, searching for the closest exit, go over and say hello. Introduce yourself and make her feel welcome. Ask her to join your group. Be kind, let her know that she belongs there. Even if she is not going to be your new bestie, remember what it feels like to be her. This is good friend making karma.

4. When in doubt, bring baked goods with you wherever you go. If someone doesn’t want to your friend when you are offering them cookies, brownies, or cupcakes, well, they weren’t going to be your friend anyhow.

How do you go about making new friends? Any tips to share?

triple chocolate brownie cookie recipe

bree-hester-small.jpg

Oh hey there!

Well, hello there! I’m Bree Hester, the Boston-based blogger and food photographer here at Baked Bree. Here you can get lots of weeknight meal inspiration, eat more plant-based meals, and still indulge in a decadent sweet treat. Baked Bree is a place where you will find great recipes and inspiration for your next family adventure.

raspberry orange pistachio ricotta cake slices on a wire rack

Don’t Miss a Thing!

The newsletter you can’t wait to read. Best enjoyed with a beverage and a snack. 

Enter your email address below to join my list and receive my weekly Friday newsletter and new blog posts.

White Chocolate Banana Bread

This Post Has 60 Comments

  1. Theresa

    Morning Bree! Those are heart-felt words and I applaud your honesty in laying your heart on the table. That takes guts! Your hubby is wise and his advice is spot on. You have taken steps – your coffee shop routine, enrolling in classes – but the next step is the reaching out to touch someone. I’m in Annapolis, which is not next door, but if you ever want to venture this way or I’m headed to Alexandria, I’d give a shout out and meet you for coffee, or soup, or salad (loving the roasted sweet potatoes & kale!) or cupcakes.
    Annapolis is full of military folks and I’ve befriended several during their tours here. Often is has been through activities related to our children that sparked the friendship, however short or long. The moms of my kids’ best friends have often become my close friends. Inviting their kids often (with my teen-aged son, the last of 5, I refer to our front door as a revolving door) has been a way of welcoming new friends into both his circle and that of our family.

    1. bakedbree

      Thank you Theresa, I would love to meet for coffee. Annapolis is one of my favorite places. Having kids does make it easier for sure. We also live in a neighborhood with no kids, and they can’t really play outside and ride bikes or anything like that. I miss that. At our last house, we were “the house”. The garage fridge was always stocked and we had a heavy rotation of kids in and out. I know that the Cape will be a good thing for us. I am so looking forward to it.

  2. steph@stephsbitebybite

    Brownies turned cookies that are chocolate…I’ll take it!!

    1. bakedbree

      Please do! These are really soft and gooey too. 🙂

  3. Karen

    Bree, I can feel you through your words as if we are sitting eye to eye at a coffee shop. I can certainly relate. I moved to San Diego over ten years ago. I left many, many friends back in the midwest, so of course I thought it was going to be that easy to make new ones. I mean “friends” the same way you do, honest, there for you, kind of friends. I never thought it would take as long as it did. I was depressed for many years because I just didn’t have any good quality friends and with my family back east, I felt lonely until I met my husband. And it wasn’t until after I had my first child that I finally started finding some really good down to earth girl friends. Looking back on it I see what the problem was, like your husband mentioned I wasn’t putting myself out there. It is almost like trying to date. You have to put yourself out there for you to run into that perfect friendship. I met all my loyal friends through playdates and community activities. If I felt we “clicked” then I naturally let our friendship develop and if I didn’t think we could really hang out, I wouldn’t waste anyone’s time. I know its hard, it is really hard but I can tell you have a wonderful personalty through your writings and there is not doubt that that you would be an awesome friends to somebody. If you lived in San Diego we would be friends for sure. I can relate to many of your struggles as if you copied them from my brain. I know how you feel, I have been there, but there are some great friendships waiting for you..go get ‘hem!! 🙂

    1. bakedbree

      Thank you Karen, I really appreciate you writing this. Putting yourself out there is hard, but the reward is great. I know that I have good friends in my future, I just haven’t met them yet.

  4. Joanne @ Fifteen Spatulas

    I SO understand this, Bree. Military life can be really lonely. Sometimes when I meet people in a new place, I try not to tell them I’m moving or that I’m stationed there, because you’re right, they treat you differently. And sometimes on my end, I think to myself, I’m only here for a year, why bother getting involved in clubs or groups, but my husband always says, a year is a long time! Which is really kind of true. I think you’ve listed out some good tips here and I hope you get out and make some new friendships! It really is like dating, where you have to sift through a lot of people to find that click, but you’re an awesome person and I’m sure you will find somebody else equally as awesome =)

    1. bakedbree

      Your husband is a wise man. That was my attitude when we got to Kansas, we knew that we would only be there for 1 year, so I was like why bother putting pictures on the walls? Well, because I had to live there for a year! And making friends is the same way. And I look at my Christmas card list every year and I am so grateful that we have friends all over the world.

  5. alison

    Glad you had a heart filling weekend with the girls! Times like that are the best way to recharge. You are a wonderful friend, and I know it’s hard to get out the door, but letting people get to know you is worth the effort. Promise. xo

    1. bakedbree

      You are so nice, thank you Alison. It was the recharge that I really needed. And yes, it is 100% worth the effort to put yourself out there.

  6. Erin

    Aw, Bree! Ever since you guys moved into the DC area I’ve been hoping to run into you (I’m in Eastern Market). If I do I will totally say hi.

    1. bakedbree

      Where in Eastern Market? I will totally say hi!

  7. Kristen

    Before I became friends with Jenny, I felt the exact same way. I have so many “friends”…and a lot of my closest friends either moved away or were online friends that I didn’t get to see that often. In fact, I wrote a post about it and literally met Jenny just a week later (well we had met before, but “connected” shortly after).

    I wish for everyone to have a friend like that… it has been a Godsend. I have a good feeling about your fresh start at the Cape. And I am so so so glad you came this past weekend. Love you much!!!

    1. bakedbree

      Seeing you with Jenny is sort of what spawned this post. It made me realize how much I have been missing that connection. And I love you too. You have been a very good friend to me and helped me out so much when we moved to Kansas, you will never know how much that meant to me. xoxo.

  8. Christine

    Bree, you aren’t alone in this feeling. Girlfriends are so very important. Having spent over 20 years as an Army spouse, I learned how to make friends, wherever we landed. Yet, I often wished for my “person”, too. (Sometimes I found one, and sometimes I just had to settle for a friend group.) And civilians DO take longer to bond with. I think all your ideas for getting to know someone are spot on! Persevere, and don’t give up hope. I think the sad the truth is we don’t always get to have those people in our lives as adults (something my 19yo daughter is discovering, even at college!). But we should always keep trying. You never know. Today, we are newly retired in a community we kept retuning to, and luckily I do have a “person” here. And, I have a well loved, albeit far flung, friend list of people I treasure. That’s no small thing either.

    Ok, I think I may have rambled… But I identified so strongly with the loneliness I felt in your post, I’m hoping to share a word of encouragement. There’s always ups and downs, but things usually seem to work out eventually. I’m pulling for you!

    1. bakedbree

      You are so sweet Christine, thank you. I usually never have a hard time making friends, so this was a new experience for me. And it is really lonely. It will get better, and I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you.

  9. Johnna

    Anyone who looks at you and sees an expiration date is missing out on knowing an amazing lady! I’ve connected with some amazing ladies at yoga and small group exercise classes. Not only is it nice (and essential) to have a friend, but it also makes it easier to move my body if I know I’m meeting a friend there!

    1. bakedbree

      I love you Johnna. <3. And I just signed up for some Pure Barre classes, hopefully there will be another out of shape girl in the back of the class needing a friend. 🙂

  10. June G.

    I always tell my husband he has a built in support group wherever he is. But as a coastie spouse, I feel like I’m back in the dating pool. I’ve made friends at the Y, going to Zumba and group weight training. Are you moving to the Cape? If so, you will LOVE it! There is so much to explore. We lived there for 3 years and my MIL has a house in South Yarmouth. I call it home and we hope to retire there:) let me know if you need info:)

    1. bakedbree

      Me too! Some places are better than others, and DC has been the most challenging by far. Air Stations seem to have built in community. At least there are parties and hail and fair wells. In the two years we have been here, there has yet to be a spouse social event. It is so weird. We rented a house in Falmouth, and yes, I will be reaching out. We are so excited to be going to the Cape.

      1. June G.

        I can’t wait for you to get there! I’m dying to see the photos you’ll take on the Cape:) I sent you an email too;)

        1. bakedbree

          Me either! Thanks for the email. 🙂

  11. Amy M

    I’ll admit it. I have gotten downright stalkerish to make friends here. I’ve lurked on community facebook pages, hoping to see that fun lady I chatted with at the grocery store, I’ve given out my email and asked for other peoples’, and I’ve introduced myself to strangers in hopes of finding a friend. It is soo much more work than dating. I think your ideas are spot on. I think there are a lot of people out there who need a friend, you just have to be bold enough to take the first step.

    1. bakedbree

      It is lot more challenging than dating, isn’t it? I feel like it is dating too, friend dates. And yes, I think that so many of us could use a good friend. We need to be more open to people. I think that in this day and age, it is really easy to hide and not put yourself out there. And you are going to find the perfect friend for you, I just know it.

  12. Karen Humphrey

    I wish I had some answers for you. I just moved last year and I’m still working on developing relationships with friends too. My problem is a bit different though, and I really don’t know how to get past it. I did have a sister friend, and all was well …. until she died. It was pretty horrific and has left me feeling like I’ll NEVER find a friend like her again, and part of me doesn’t even want to try. But on the other hand, I miss her and our friendship so much that it’s hard some days.

    All I can say is that sometimes, the best friends are the unexpected ones. You never know who could turn out to be that sister friend for you.

    1. bakedbree

      Oh Karen, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard that must be for you. I would imagine that she would want you to find a friend. That is the beauty of friends, we want the best for the ones we love. And you are so right, sometimes the best friends are the ones that you don’t expect.

  13. Liselle Konig

    I was once a new person in a new city and I know how that feels even though I don’t know what it feels like to keep being that new person since you move a lot. However, I have made the best friends ever through a website called http://www.meetup.com. Most cities have a branch and they have groups for every interest. If you want to join a group with kids, they have them. If you want to join something like a book club, they have them. If you have a dog and want to join a group of people who love dogs, they have them. Check it out! And good luck!

    1. bakedbree

      That is a great idea Liselle! Thanks for the tip, I totally forgot about website.

  14. BN

    Beautifully written and captured! And well said….

    No 4 resonated with me the most, and I often do that, putting myself in the shoes of the opposite person is a great way to dig deeper at what empathy and compassion are.

    Bless you Bree!

    1. bakedbree

      Thank you, and thank you for reaching out to the new girl in the room. You have no idea how much that will meant to someone.

  15. renee @ using creativity to slow down + savor life

    oh, bree…this post brings major tears to my eyes because this is something that’s been deep in heart…the struggle of friendships. i’ve been struggling with this since we moved from our last duty station, 7 years ago, in miami, which was a hour from my hometown – i had friends and family close by and i even made new friends down there while i was teaching, then we left there, i made more friends from going to the institute for integrative nutrition, some were local in our new area in virginia and then i had our first baby. and i haven’t made friends since. i’ve met women and moms, but none that i’ve truly connected with. i’ve gone to moms groups, joined mommy and me classes (which, every time, was only me and another mom…every time!!) and have tried with spouses at my husbands work…but not having much luck lately. i’ve definitely put myself out there, but since we move all the time, i think i’ve also gotten in that funk, why meet people…i need LOCAL friends…i have plenty all over the place…but i’m gonna meet friends..and then i have to leave them…AGAIN!! it hurts…and by the time i do finally connect and feel that connection, it’s time to leave. it takes time to truly connect, not with friends, but even the area we get stationed at…i feel the same with the area, too…once we figure it out and it starts to feel like home, we have to leave. 🙁 but i do know i need to put myself out there more without thinking this way…i’m hoping one day my tribe will come!! but, yes, i struggle with this a lot…i went to having so many friends and now i have none….local that is. 🙁 and i’m always stuck on how to meet new ones when i’m a stay at home mom who doesn’t have many moms groups here that i truly connected with. but, yes, one day!! i will keep trying!! 🙂

    1. bakedbree

      That is it, you just have to keep trying. Keep putting yourself out there. One of the things that I have to adjust is my attitude, well, we are only going to be here for xyz, so why make a huge effort. It doesn’t matter if you live someplace for 3 months or 3 years, we need people. We need friendship. We need relationships. It is worth every ounce of effort.

    2. Maura Joyce

      Ok, I’m going to sound like a big stalker here, but where in VA are you stationed? My husband is at the pentagon and we live in the Woodbridge area and have for TWO years already and I was just crying to him that I have no friends (real, true, sister friends). Maybe we can have a “blind date” if you’re in NOVA too?!

      1. bakedbree

        I am! I live in Alexandria. 🙂 Feel free to send me a message through my contact form, I’d love to meet for a blind date.

  16. Kitty

    You know sometimes you have to open that who your friends and support system ends up being at a duty station are people you wouldn’t think would be. I threw myself into the OSC here thinking I’d make that friend connection with someone. I wasn’t prepared that things are different now that my husband is a higher rank. We aren’t a JO family anymore so we don’t get invited to BBQ or out to dinner on weekends. And when we do socialize at squadron events my husband is called Sir and held at arm’s length. I get it. I know we did the same thing when he was a JO. It was kinda lonely at first but I found my tribe of all places at water aerobics. The little old Southern ladies who are old enough to be my mom have been my support group this tour. I’ve really come to see there are friends for a season and friends for a life. Its accepting and understanding the difference. Once I let go of trying to make friends for life out of people who were supposed to seasonal friends I let go of a lot of sorrow. I don’t sit at home, I do things that make me happy, I call my friends for life when I need that connection, I also take comfort in knowing really this is temporary if I start to feel bad. That more than likely I’m just meant to be a seasonal friend to people here and that is okay.

    1. Christine

      Kitty, I LOVE the phrase “Friends for a season and friends for a life.” What a perfect way to describe it. I wish I’d realized exactly this while we were still moving every two years. Share it with those younger ladies. It might help someone else, too!

      1. bakedbree

        I love that phrase too. Love this conversation.

    2. bakedbree

      We are most likely going to face the same issue in the Cape. Wow Kitty, this is a really thoughtful and beautiful comment. It is just finding your “people”.

  17. Amanda

    Oh, can I relate to this!!! It was so easy to make friends in high school…and then I went to college and it’s like my social button broke. I felt out of my element…as a freshman it was hard to connect with everyone having different interests in core classes. And now…as a mom, living in a state/town I didn’t grow up in. I don’t have my family living a few blocks away, or my besties from high school living nearby. My sister-in-law and I joke about how making friends as a grown up is so awkward and like dating. Asking people to basically “go out” with you. Praying your kids get along, hoping they have similar interests as you…. It’s STRESSFUL!!! The best thing I did for myself was to join my local Modern Quilt Guild. Instant friendships. I really hope you find your niche. As a non military family, but one who moves semi-regularly, I completely understand and sympathize!!!

    1. bakedbree

      It is so much like dating, but more awkward! I love the idea of a Modern Quilt Guild, it is nice that you already have something in common.

  18. Michelle Cain

    Hi Bree!
    This is a GREAT blog! I live in your neighborhood and we have boys in the same class….I’m pretty sure I met you on their pumpkin patch field trip. Anyway…I would love for you to come join our fitness class! It’s a great group of women both military and local. We are MUCH more than a fitness group…we help each other out, share our struggles and achievements, and are just THERE for each other (BtW…I am an Air Force spouse). Send me an email 🙂 groovycain@yahoo.com.
    Michelle

    1. bakedbree

      Thank you Michelle! Thank you so much for reaching out. It is nice to put a face to a name. I will check it out and hopefully join you.

  19. Margo

    I loved your post…very much in fact. Both of my parents are transplants from other states and our home was always full of friends who were really family. I’ve always had wonderful friends who were family, but it wasn’t until I went through my divorce that I realized just how their presence in my life affected me. I am one of those people who invites the “newbie” to join in, and have made friends with some incredible people because of it. Growing up near an Air Force Base I had friends who were in town for a year or two at a time and I treasured each and very experience I shared with them. Mostly, at an early age I learned to appreciate friendship. Bree, you put yourself out there a lot more than most…you have an awesome blog…you show your heart through your words and what you create…as a reader I need to reach out and let you know how much I enjoy and appreciate what you do, but I wish I could send more like a hug…even though it’s different than a friend sitting next to you, know it’s as sincere.

    1. bakedbree

      Oh Margo, you are the sweetest, thank you so much. And from the new girl, thank you so much for reaching out to the newbies. You have no idea how much that will mean to someone.

  20. Jen

    I totally relate to this, it’s even harder as a married woman without kids (I’m 40) it’s hard when you don’t have any common ground to start with. I live on the Cape and would love to meet you for lunch, so many great little areas to explore here, I love it.

    1. bakedbree

      Well Jen, when we move, you have a friend. 🙂 Send me an email and I would love to get together.

  21. Lisa M

    Loved this Bree! When my daughter started preschool I was determined to make new friends. It was so hard. My good friends also live a ways away. I used to joke with my hubby that it was a lot like dating…. I didnt want to come on too strong, or seem desperate, even though I wanted to run up to the first smiling mom’s face and say “let’s be friends”!!! Then when I did get another mom’s digits or email I thought, “should I wait a couple days or call and make plans right away???” Haha… Pretty funny! Happy to report I made a great friend and we’ve gotten together several times just to chat. Our favorite is to meet for dessert and wine while the hubbies stay back with each of our 3 kids. Love your blog! Wish I could cook like you! I’m working on it! God bless

    1. bakedbree

      It is SO much like dating. And you will be able to cook like me, just keep cooking! That is all it takes.

  22. Lindsay @ The Live-In Kitchen

    Your weekend sounds so fun and refreshing! I have really struggled to make close girl friends despite being in the same place for almost my entire life. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me, but I’ve really started to recognize the need for it in my life. Thanks for the tips, and good luck finding those friends close to home! You are the sweetest and I know it will happen for you.

    1. bakedbree

      I didn’t realize how much it was missing from my life until the last year. We need to put ourself out there and make it happen. Good luck Lindsay!

  23. Katrina

    Great post. Thank you for the food for thought. It really is all about getting out of your comfort zone. And by your I mean mine. 🙂

    1. bakedbree

      You are welcome Katrina! We ALL need to get out of our comfort zones.

  24. Lori

    Hi Bree! I just discovered your blog, and it is wonderful. I am also a military spouse (living in Alexandria) and can very much relate to this post. It is so hard to start over time and time again “friend dating”. I love to cook and look forward to following your blog!

    1. bakedbree

      Welcome to NOVA Lori! It is hard to start over, and over, and over. 🙂 But it is worth it in the end. All it takes is one good friend. Good luck!

  25. Megan

    Bree, I can totally resonate with you on this! I really struggled with it living in Chicago with no real support system. I happened to read an AWESOME book that just reminded me i’m not alone in feeling this way and that it’s not ME. There are so many women (and probably men too!) that don’t have that comforting good-girlfriend bond that we see on Sex and the City and want so badly. It’s a hilarious and quick read- MWF Seeks BFF. She basically forces herself to go on friend-dates from different methods of finding new friends after moving across the country with her new husband. It has a lot of really interesting facts on friendship, too. I am moving again to Philly at the end of March and plan to read the book as a reminder to put myself out there! Do you have any blog-followers in Philly that might be looking for friends? 🙂

    1. bakedbree

      Hi Megan! Yes, it is really hard when you are looking for that support system and not being able to find one. I will definitely check out that book. And putting yourself out there is hard, but well worth it. I go to Philly a lot (my dad lives in Rittenhouse) and would love to meet for a coffee or something. I think you are going to love it there, Philly is one of my favorite cities.

  26. Connie

    What delightful looking brownie cookies! Must make them soon 🙂 I wholeheartedly agree with you that if someone doesn’t want to be your friend while you’re offering them a treat, they are definitely not your friend. Several years ago, I made a tray of rice crispy treats (back in the days when I was a baking novice) to take to a party at a friend’s house. Apparently, she didn’t appreciate my gesture and after a couple years had passed, we ended not being friends.

    1. bakedbree

      Lol! I don’t know if I can be friends with someone that doesn’t appreciate a baked good.

  27. Vanessa

    Oh, I feel for you! I don’t like close to my bff, and I miss her terribly. My advice is, find a yarn shop with a friendly vibe and learn to knit. Over the years I have made so many great friends through knitting. Most knitters are naturally friendly and giving. Good luck!

    1. bakedbree

      I agree, knitters are really nice. I’ve tried to learn a few times and I am TERRIBLE!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.